Entry #4 (Eng 102) - It's Okay To Not Be What Everyone Wants

Not everyone is for you...

How stunning a thought is this?  It's okay to not be liked by everyone.  It's okay if there are some people who, no matter how hard you try, just don't like you.  Stop tearing yourself up over it.  Stop trying to force yourself into a mold to fit another person's view of how you should be.  Not everyone is for you.  You are not for everyone. 

I actually found the above image years ago and reposted it on Facebook for a friend of mine who was having a hard time and feeling alone.  It popped back up on my "this day x years ago, you posted [blah]" feed and I re-read it and found myself curious.  So, I went to find the book it was from.  Rebecca Campbell's book Light is the New Black was the source.  And I have to admit, when I read about what the full book was about, I immediately sort of cringed back from it.  Talking about "lightbringers" and calling everyone "sister" and lots of talk about spiritualism and the sort really just... isn't for me.  The more I thought about it, however, the more I considered whether or not I was unfairly judging something without actually giving it a chance.  So, I sucked up my initial reticence and I bought the book for my kindle.  And I've slowly been reading it (not a lot since I have a lot of assignments for school I need to get done) but I have to say that, if I look past some of the terminology, the message is actually kind of amazing.

 The book, of what I have read thus far, speaks a lot towards how the writer focused on trying to make a life for herself based on entirely external factors.  Internally, she wanted to do more, she wanted to do something different.  However, she constantly felt as though she 'had' to do the external things to be at a place where she could then attempt the internal.  After losing two very close friends, the end of an 11-year relationship and discovering that after achieving the dream job she thought she wanted - she was miserable.  It wasn't until she began making changes towards what was important to her internally, to her personally, that she began to find a sense that she was happier, she was more at peace and felt like she'd found her place in the world. 

Granted, there are parts of her story that I read and thought "and I'd never do that, nope not that either.  Hell no I wouldn't do that, that's totally impractical!"  Though, again, when I look beyond the superficial and try to understand what drove Campbell to make the changes that she did, I think there's more to it than the grand, sweeping, life-altering changes that she did.  That, also, is not for everyone. 

This is something I struggle with.  Over the past few years I've had to come to a point when I learned that saying "no" was not only okay - sometimes it was necessary.  I found myself being taken advantage of by people - both in my personal and professional life.  I stretched myself too thin, I agreed to help too much.  I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do but the more and more that I gave, the more and more exhausted (physically, mentally, emotionally) I became.  Sometimes I'm sure I come off like a real bitch when someone asks me to do something and I say "No, sorry, I can't" but it's self-preservation. 

I have physically hurt myself by doing things that I should have asked for help myself but I didn't because "it just needed to get done."  That really isn't always a healthy mindset.  There has to be a middle ground.  There's a give and take to saying 'yes' or saying 'no' I've found and it's really difficult sometimes to find (and stick to) that middle ground.  Sometimes I feel unbearably guilty for saying 'no' but it's something that I've learned I have to do for my own sanity.  I help where I can, when I can, when it isn't something that is going to end up affecting me poorly. 

In my experiences thus far in life, I have to say that the above meme really does have some truth to it.  A lot of truth to it.  It's a little backwards sometimes but the breakdown to it makes a lot of sense to me.  People who are loneliest understand how much it means to receive kindness, so they give it often.  People who are saddest, or just sad in general, smile so brightly when they have simple things bring them that happiness because they experience it so little.  And people who have been damaged - people who have gone through horrible experiences of varying kinds - often are the ones who have been forced to look at life in different ways and realize the wisdom of some things in life.  As a result, they often tend to be the ones who share that wisdom.  Not to laud themselves and what they've been through but to try and help save others from going through the same thing, or lift them up when they see someone struggling and they understand the feeling themselves. 

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to ask questions.  Ask them of yourself primarily.  Ask yourself if what you're doing is helpful or, more appropriately, if it is hurtful to yourself.  This doesn't mean that someone is being selfish, it means that they're looking out for themselves.  We can give of ourselves only so much before it becomes too much.  Then, when there's nothing left to give, who will still be there?  Are the people that we surround ourselves with going to still be there when we have nothing left to give to them?  And if the answer is no or "I'm not sure" then maybe we need to take a closer look at the kind of people we're surrounding ourselves with. 

Surprisingly, looking past the 'fluffy fru-fru' way that Campbell's book is thus far presented, the deeper meaning is there.  Love yourself first - it's okay.  Follow your own dreams - it's okay to do that too.  Find your own inner voice and listen to it.  It might just be what steers you in the best direction.  Sometimes, it's okay to put yourself first.