Entry #8 - And Now For Something Complete Different

A momentary break from the norm...

Normally, I tend to keep my pairs of entries along the same theme.  One talks about a review of blogs, the next focuses on one in specific.  The next is about a social media personality and the follow-up entry is about another personality.  Essentially, I attempt to keep the flow steady and present so as I do each set of entries they more or less mirror one another in topic.  In this case, however, I'm going to break away from my previous pattern and turn this a bit more personal. 

An interesting facet of writing is that your audience never knows when you have to get up and walk away from the keyboard.  They can't see the distress, the discomfort, the shame or even sometimes the tears that may come.  On the other hand, that disconnect can make it easier for the writer (aka me) to put the words out there, to actually get them out.  Not having to look someone in the face as they expectantly wait for me to formulate words to talk about something that is beyond words makes it easier to get through the writing.  So, that being said, I'll get on with this.  

So if the previous meme didn't make it clear, consider this the preemptive warning for triggers.  This is not an easy topic, especially for those who have experienced this kind of situation.  If reading further would be something that would be too painful or reopen old wounds, now would be the best time to stop reading and go find something else to read.  Just saying.  

When I was 19 I got into a serious relationship with a man who was six years older than me.  I moved out of my parent's home and into an apartment with him and spent the next three years of my life with him.  I worked hard during that time and made my way up to become a store manager of a quarter of a million dollar retail store at 21.  For lacking a college education, I was doing rather well for myself and making a very nice salary with bonuses multiple times through the year based on sales.  Things should have been great.  On the surface they were.  Over the three years I was with my ex I had become very good at making things appear great on the surface.

As with most every story of some form of abuse that I have heard, things obviously didn't start with my ex-boyfriend being a total asshat.  Things were great in the beginning.  Looking back, seeing as hindsight is 20/20, I can see little signs that I missed in the moment that should have been warning bells.  There were lots of little ways that he invalidated my opinions.  We always went with his decision on anything.  It was always his choice.  Always what he wanted.  But it never seemed that way.  "Interesting" fact is that a lot of abusers are exceptional manipulators.

 
In a way I wish I had seen something like this 12 years ago.  The first sign would have been a major tip off.  As my relationship progressed, I found myself censuring myself to avoid saying or doing things that would upset my ex.  I stopped voicing my opinion on things because, unless they agreed with his, they would automatically be dismissed.  He talked over me a lot, to the point that I didn't talk as much around him because.. what was the point?  He wouldn't listen to me anyway.  I always had to account for where I was to him.  If we had a fight (which is to say that I disagreed with him and he yelled at me for it) and I went for a drive alone to clear my head, he would become even more incensed because he didn't know where I was or what I was doing.  Again, hindsight being what it is, I can see how now utterly controlling his behavior towards me was.  Understanding it doesn't make it any easier to remember the way it felt.  



Long before things ever became physical, the emotional and mental abuse had been going on for some time.  It's embarrassing to admit to this, but the first time my ex ever hit me was over a video game.  While it's embarrassing to admit it, I include the reason because I think it's important to point out just how petty the reason was for actually striking someone you say that you love.  He was playing a video game (one of the Zelda ones) on his GameCube (that he insisted on buying along with the games to go with it instead of paying our utilities first, and with my money as he didn't have a job at this point) and he oh so graciously offered to let me try playing.  I didn't play video games (we never had a console growing up) so I'm admittedly not very good at them.  As he tried talking me through what to do and how to do it, he became increasingly... emphatic.  "No! Don't go there!"  "You should do the other quest first, I don't care if you want to do this one, the other one is more important!"  "LISTEN TO ME, you're doing it wrong!"  

The more he yelled the harder it was for me to focus and finally I snapped at him, "Stop yelling at me, I'm the one playing the fucking game!"  And no sooner had the words left my mouth than I felt his hand connecting with the side of my face.  He apparently had terrible aim too as instead of getting my cheek, he actually hit the side of my head.  Maybe he hit exactly where he meant to, it didn't leave a visible mark (like bruising on the cheek), it took a couple days to not have a slight ringing in my ear and my ear hurt so bad I couldn't sleep on that side for about a week without it making my ear/head throb.  

There are a few things about that event that greatly bothered me, both in the moment and in the years after.  In fact even to this day some things bother me more than others.  The first and most overwhelming thing which bothers me is that I didn't simply walk out the door, go to my parent's house, and never set eyes on him again.  That would have, by far, been the smartest move.  But it isn't what I did.  Instead I stared at him, stunned, and then tossed the controller down and went to our bedroom and went to bed without speaking to him again that day.  The next part that bothered me was the next day, our roommate came up to my work.  She hadn't seen what had happened but she'd heard the strike and put enough together to know what had occurred.  However, when she came to 'check on me' at work, the words that left her mouth destroyed any thoughts I had of telling anyone about what went on.  "Well you know he has a temper, you shouldn't have yelled at him like that."

With just a few words, it became my fault.  I did know he had a temper, he was displaying it loud and proud in the moment too.  As much as him hitting me had hurt, my roommate's words cut deeper.  All of the emotional and mental abuse, all the manipulations that belittled me, that made things my fault instead of his, came full bore into my mind and shit got all twisted up in how I looked at it.  I knew I didn't deserve to be hit, but "I shouldn't have yelled at him."  "He wouldn't have hit me if I'd just kept my mouth shut."  "He hit me, but it's my fault because I pushed him over the edge."  Yeah.  I actually thought those things.  And it disgusts me to this day that I thought that way.  Welcome to the power of emotional and mental manipulations and abuse.

During the three years we were together, my ex only hit me twice.  In a lot of ways I'm lucky it was only two.  It's still two too many, but it could have been so, so much worse.  Things with my ex fizzled (gee I wonder why) and we drifted apart.  While we still lived together due to leasing contracts, we slept in different beds and the relationship was pretty much dead.  I figured, hey, great, better that it slowly dies off than to be this whole blown-up affair.  Then I met my now-husband.  Oh boy did my ex freak out then.  Suddenly he was 'desperate' about going on without me.  He was sorry about everything, he'd change, he'd be better.  Whatever I wanted, he'd do it.  By that point, I was so afraid of actually talking about all that had gone wrong during our relationship, I refused to actually speak to him face to face.  I made him leave the house and go somewhere else and we talked over the phone.  I was afraid of talking to him about our problems.  I was afraid of him.  No matter how he begged and pleaded, I had finally reached a point that I heard all of his lies for what they were - lies.  Empty promises.  Bullshit. Somehow, that just made it hurt all over again.

Needless to say, I moved on to a much healthier relationship.  My parents and both of my older brothers heartily approved of and love my husband.  A comment that he said to me early on in our relationship has always stuck with me: "If I ever lay a hand on you in anger, you have my permission to use a shotgun on me."  He knew the situation with my ex (he'd met my ex in fact) and he rather astutely realized the kind of environment I was existing in when he asked me, "Are you going to be safe here when I leave?"  It's sad when you hesitate to answer that kind of question because you honestly don't know if you would be safe.

My life is much different now, but there are still lingering traces of that experience that exist.  Every time I speak up to voice my opinion, I have to overcome the voice in the back of my head telling me to shut up, that no one wants to hear my opinions.  Every time I stand up for myself or have a higher expectation of what I deserve (expectation of proper compensation for example) I question if I really deserve it.  Even going back to school was difficult for me because the whole process terrified me.  I know logically I'm an intelligent woman who is capable of facing all kinds of challenges.  Emotionally?  I doubt myself every damn day.  And every day I overcome those doubts.  But it's a battle that will never truly end.  I changed during those three years with my ex and I changed in the years after him.

I'm no longer the person I was before I met my ex, the experiences I had with him destroyed who I once was and someone different came out the other end.  I'm still me, just with more doubts, more inner struggles, more inner scars.  Emotional scars are a thing, they are as real as physical scars.  It's just that only the person who has them is constantly aware of them.  No one can look at someone with emotional scars and think to themselves, "Damn, that must have really hurt."  There's no physical proof validating the pain and struggle that was gone through.  But it still exists.  It never goes away.  It just gets a little easier to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

I was talking with a friend online while writing this blog, during one of my "I need a break" moments.  I told him what had me upset and he was supportive as best he could be and he apologized to me.  My response to him was: "Physical wounds can leave scars.  Emotional wounds do too, you just can't see them.  Acknowledging them is painful and it hurts but it's a pain that you can live with because you lived through it, it's a pain of looking back and realizing you survived it."  That's the truth of it.  I survived it.  Maybe a little cracked, maybe a little dented, but I survived it.  Every doubt and every fear that I have that originates from that experience with my ex is one that I will find a way to overcome.  He might have cracked and dented me, but he didn't break me.

While I know that this entry is already getting rather long, there's one other aspect I want to cover.  This was a personal situation I went through.  While emotional and mental abuse aren't viewed the same way or even acknowledged sometimes as legitimate abuse compared to physical abuse, it's still, in general, considered something that happens.  To women.  There's a whole other story that gets ignored though.  Men are more likely to suffer emotional and mental abuse.  A lot of abuse against women is physical (as men who would abuse tend to be physical and aggressive).  However, abuse against men does happen.  It happens a lot.  And whereas men are physically aggressive, women's weapons are our words.  Women get called catty for a reason.  We can be vicious.  And when that's turned towards a man, when words are used to belittle and demean, they are just as hurtful as fists - just in a different way. 

The meme I used earlier on the "5 signs of an emotionally abusive relationship", it doesn't specify "your boyfriend" or "your husband".  It says "your partner".  An example of this:  I have a good friend, for this example I'm going to call him Bob.  Or maybe I should call him Fabian just to get a laugh out of him when he reads this.  We'll go with Bob.  Now Bob and I haven't been friends for too over long but we have one of those wonderful friendships where we hit it off almost immediately.  We are exactly each others kind of 'weird' and we get each other's humor.  Bob is, simply put, amazing.  He's a great friend.  He's a wonderful listener, very supportive, he's hilarious, he has a huge heart and he's very kind and thoughtful.  And he went through a horrific relationship with his ex-wife that was very emotionally and mentally abusive.  To the point that it upsets him just talking about those feelings and the lingering emotions of still caring about a person who hurt you even though you know they're no good for you.

Now here is an exceptional man, the kind of man that women should fall over themselves for because of the kind of personality and temperament that he possess, and he has been emotionally abused by his ex-wife to the point that just talking about that situation is painful and brings up feelings of anxiety and other negative responses.  It doesn't matter if you're male or female, physically intimidating or physically weak, well off or dirt poor - abuse is abuse.  Physical abuse is acknowledged and frowned on and laws are in place for people who physically abuse another person.  Emotional and mental abuse?  Those aren't really talked about the same way.  It's easy for the general population to look at a person and say "Oh they must have really been through hell, look at the scars they have left over from their experience."  It's not so easy when all the scars are on the inside.  It still doesn't mean they aren't there.

So, just a suggestion, a friendly piece of advice, don't dismiss it if someone says you did something that hurt them.  Don't dismiss their feelings.  Don't think just because a man does what a woman tells him he's 'pussy-whipped', it might go much deeper than that.  Don't think that a woman who is compliant to her partner to the point of detriment to herself is 'just taking care of her man', she might not be allowed to make mistakes without being made to feel insignificant.  Keep your eyes open to the interactions between people.  Don't put blinders on to the existence of this problem.  As long as we ignore that it exists, our inaction allows it to continue unabated.

I know I've made it a habit of 'signing' off each post with a goodbye meme.  Despite the... heavier nature of this post, I won't abandon that habit.  I'll endeavor to lighten the mood in the next post.  So, until next time.

Entry #7 - You Are What You Eat

Let's hope we don't all turn into hamburgers!

While it would be amusing, and generally speaking it's easy to laugh at this concept, the idea that we essentially are what we eat suggests some disturbing possibilities.  

Okay, thankfully that is not really a possibility, but it's still something to think about.  Imagine all of the hormones that are in our mass produced and selectively available foods that we find in the mainstream grocery stores.  The amount of antibiotics that are fed to animals that ends up in the meat that we consume has an impact on more than simply our health.  Medically speaking, the use of these 'preventative' antibiotics (because the conditions in which the animals are 'raised' is disgusting and they have to take antibiotics to avoid massive infections) ends up in the meat we consume, which then ends up in us.  This has a direct impact on the usefulness of antibiotics against infections that we develop.  "Superbugs" exist because of the over-use of antibiotics.  That, however, is a topic for a different day and I'm going a bit off tangent.

I watched a portion of the 2009 documentary Fresh and it presented an interesting approach to a topic I've been aware of before.  The film presents a handful of people from a man who took a few acres of industrial wasteland and created a farmland in the middle of a metropolitan center to a family-owned grocery store owner who supports fresh foods and farming by stocking his stores with meats and produce from a local cooperative of farmers.  The feel of the documentary is less judgemental of those farmers that have contracts with "agribusiness" conglomerates, allowing a perspective that offers a sympathetic understanding of the position these farmers have been placed in.  Without the contracts with these conglomerates, the farmers are the ones who are hurt - not the agribusinesses.

One of the farmers that was interviewed mentioned that the subsidies that they were paid were the only reason they stayed afloat, that the sale of the corn itself wasn't enough to cover the costs of production.  It's frankly heartbreaking to realize that these farmers essentially can't provide for their families without being tied to these mega-businesses that seem to have overtaken the control of agriculture.  It's no longer about providing healthy, fresh foods, it's about mass production to make a hefty profit.  Who truly loses out however?  The public.  The corn that is bought from these farmers is used in the production of high fructose corn syrup, something which has become as prevalent in foods as water.  In fact, it might be more prevalent than water.  High fructose corn syrup?  Well, I could write a whole blog about nothing but that topic but the short explanation is that it sweetens food and drinks, has resulted in the veritable addiction of the national collective to the "sweet" aspect of foods and has a direct impact on the public's health.

Now here's an interesting thought: how we eat currently is not the way we should be eating.  I'm not talking about the prevalence of fast-food replacing actual meals prepared at home that utilize fresh ingredients.  I'm talking about the fact that canned corn has high fructose corn syrup added to it.  Corn.  Corn does not need to be sweet to be able to eat it.  It doesn't need to be sweet to be delicious.  Beyond that, one type of corn is "sweet corn" which is naturally sweet without needing to have additives put into it.  And that's just one vegetable.  What's even more concerning is that so many of the natural nutrients that exist in produce is being stripped out of it as it's going through production.  The answer?  We'll chemically add nutrients back in!  ...here's a better idea - don't strip them out of the food in the first place.

I think what frustrates me about this topic more than anything else is that the food that is most affordable is the food that has gone through this kind of production.  That is to say that for those who are of lower economic status are forced to buy the "most affordable" food that will allow them to stock their pantries and fridges.  The food that fits this description?  Food that has been stripped of the nutrients and artificially had them added back in.  Food that is rife with high fructose corn syrup.  Food that takes vegetables and manages to make them unhealthy.  This has gotten so bad that it's not uncommon for a person to try "fresh" foods without all the additives and flavorings added to them and find them bland.  However, if they continue eating these foods and their taste buds readjust to how food is supposed to taste, suddenly the 'taste' of food takes on a whole different meaning.

Let me leave you with some food for thought: how much of what we taste when we eat our food is processed additives and flavorings instead of the actual taste of food?  For that matter, do we really even know what food is truly supposed to taste like anymore?

Entry #6 - I Totally Did My Homework!

You can't prove a thing...

Okay maybe you can prove that I haven't done my homework when I get a zero for it.  *shifty eyes*  I have little in the way of an excuse except:

You see, it's a completely legitimate argument.  I had planned out my evening and what I needed to have done, I had a good flow going, and then I went to look up a YouTube channel to link a video for a previous blog post.  And that's where it all went WRONG!  Oh so terribly, horribly, amusingly, and entertainingly wrong!  Before I even realized it, hours had gone by and I still hadn't finished the original blog post I went looking for the video for.  I must now hang my head in shame.  For shame.

So while this is a funny situation, how many of you have been in a similar kind of situation?  I was talking with the Hubster about this situation and he recalled more than a few times he'd found himself in a similar situation.  It's something so silly, getting distracted by YouTube videos to the point that you forget what you were working on in the first place.  Yet it happens a lot.  And not just to Hubster and me.  I asked a bunch of my friends that are in a group skype chat with me (hey ya'll!) if they had ever run into this sort of situation themselves.  A good number of them affirmed that they were just as guilty as me.  While not being alone in this fact is somewhat comforting, it's still a bit worrying that it's such a common phenomenon.  ...is it still considered a phenomenon if it's common?  Is that an oxymoron?  *hand waves*  Let's not get distracted again!

Even memes are distracting!  And, let's face it, it's well established that I do love writing with a lot of memes sprinkled throughout.  Do you have any idea how many hours I spent looking for memes?  I bookmark ones that I find particularly amusing to figure out how to use them later.  I need to join memes anonymous or something.  But they're just so FUN!  They're almost as bad as YouTube videos.  In fact I may have clogged up my browser with an insane amount of meme tabs and YouTube tabs and it's some kind of epic battle to see which gets to claim my attention.  The lure is there.  I can practically hear the YouTube videos calling to me.  They sing the song of my people - the procrastinators.

I work better under pressure.  Raise your hand if you believe that.  Oh wait, I can't see that, never mind!  Just testing you!  Congratulations, you passed!  *coughs*  Right then.  Moving on.  This is seriously a 'thing', though.  Hours are 'spent' (read: wasted) skimming the internet for really no purpose whatsoever.  We get sucked into endless YouTube videos, screen after endless rolling screen of meme images, and Facebook wall doom.  It isn't as though it's boring, if it were we wouldn't really be doing it now would we?  In fact there's a lot of entertaining content to be found in random scrolling, it's what keeps us scrolling for the next interesting tidbit.  However, am I the only one who's a little worried about how easy it is to lose HOURS of time to random internet surfing?

   See, I'd like to consider this more in depth, but the problem I'm running into is the more I try to look into it - the more time I keep losing!  I just lost 20 minutes finding the above meme, giggling for a good three minutes, and then fighting with Blogger to get it uploaded!  Complaining about lost time using memes about lost time should not be this difficult.  Or result in more lost time!  I think maybe I should stop while I'm ahead, or before the time warp gnomes find me and suck my brain out or something equally concerning.  So, before I get utterly lost in the YouTube or memes world once more, please, post in the comments and let me know if you've experienced this sort of situation before as well!  I'm honestly curious to see how many of us are out there, losing time together.  

Entry #5 - Say What?

Well, this is a little disturbing... 

No, really, I can't help but find this a bit disturbing.  What is "this" you may ask?  Well, "this" refers to a pod-cast that I was listening to about status updates and social media as a whole.  Take a listen to the first part of it below: 

This American Life - Status Update 

Now, right off the bat the part that grabbed my attention and made me wonder if I was hearing things was when the girls were talking about how the 'norm' is to get two "likes" in the first minute of posting something.   

This is more or less how I feel about this.  Just a great big pile of "say what?" all over those comments.   I'm no small bit stunned here, "Usually there's two likes in a minute."  In a minute.  At 11AM.  For one 13-year-old and two 14-year-olds.  They end up with six likes in a minute.  I might not get that many likes on six of my own posts combined!  It just keeps going from there, too, as the girls explain about how it's practically an obligation to like their friends' posts and to comment.  What are the comments you may ask?  Well, that's the next part making me speechless. 

 That's right, the comments are along the lines of "gorgeous", "pretty", "stunning", "you kill it", "you're so pretty" and things to that regard.  The only thing off limits is "sexy", as it's stated as being a different connotation.  I suppose that's something at least, the comments aren't about making the other girls sexual in appearance but just complimenting them.  As the pod caster states, it's the opposite of online bullying.  And, this is a good thing.  It is.  It's also a very worrisome thing however.  

These girls are talking about how the comments are repetitive, all of them use the same phrases to each other and there's no unique qualities to them.  Even more worrisome however is the admission that the girls don't feel the "need" to have these comments made but it makes them feel better.  Beyond even that, however, is the kind of currency that comes with commenting.  You can comment on someone's picture because you're close to someone or because you want to get close to them.  And then there's your response to their response and the wording can be slightly different but it speaks volumes to these girls who put so much stock in to this otherwise unknown special language that's been created by these young, teenage girls.  

 One of the girls even states something disturbing outright: "It's like this whole set of unspoken rules that everyone follows."  How?  By definition unspoken rules means they aren't stated, so how do these girls know how to follow them?  And what if one of them does it wrong?  Will they be shunned?  Mocked?  Or just ignored and have comments and likes withheld?  The girls may have said they don't "need" the likes, but they all admit to liking them.  We all enjoy that sensation of someone acknowledging that we're pretty or complimenting us.  So this is where this whole portion of the pod cast really worried me: they say they don't "need" the likes and comments but what if they didn't get any?  That sounds suspiciously like an alcoholic who says they don't "need" to drink, they just like it.  Or the gambler who says they don't "need" to gamble, it's just fun.  And how much of these girls' psyche is being affected by the confirmation from others that if it's removed will be damaged?  

Seriously, this is kind of a 'heavy' topic to be thinking about!  It's really worrisome to think about the impact seemingly little, trivial things can be having on a generation that's still essentially in its infancy.  I wish there were some funny way to approach this or wave it all away but the simple fact is there's really not.  It's food for thought, things to consider.  Things to really consider.  Give it some thought, if you have any opinions I'd love to hear them in the comments section.  I'll try and go with something a little more lighthearted next time.  Till then.

 

Entry #4 - The Nostalgia Critic

NOTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS! 

Well, some things might be better than the Nostalgia Critic, but personally I feel it would be very difficult to identify those things right off.  For those of you who have not had the pleasure, let me introduce you to one of the most amazing YouTubers out there:

Alright so I might be a little biased, but the fact is still that the Nostalgia Critic is in fact awesome.  His tagline "I remember it so you don't have to" seems to sum up most of the purpose of the channel but it's how he does his reviews that truly takes his videos to a whole different level.   While the majority of his review of a movie consists of an unusual amount of over-the-top rage at the occasional ridiculousness of nostalgic movies, at the heart of it his reviews are actually rather insightful.  His sarcasm, body language, hand motions and over-exaggerated movements just serve to make the review more amusing and enthralling.  The way he behaves keeps the viewer interested to get to the more insightful parts, almost as though he's slipping in an actual review into the humor so we don't realize we've actually learned something.  (*gasp* The horror!)

 

The character of the Nostalgia Critic is played by Doug Walker.  He and a number of others work hard on the production of the reviews that are done and the effort put into them is clearly evidenced.  The premise is a singular camera view on the Nostalgia Critic as he watches a movie that is nostalgic to him.  Generally these movies consist of those that were released from the 80's to current day and a number of views have been done about a 'classic' movie and it's 'reboot' modern counterpart and the comparison of them.

Often times, the review of a nostalgic movie is done in a manner to peel away the veneer of time and look at the movie with fresh eyes.  When we think back to movies we loved as children, we tend to think of them with a kind of haze that comes from time and a lack of maturity at the time we viewed the movies.  What the Nostalgia Critic does is to review these movies, looking at them again as an adult, and through the expressive disdain he displays often ends up showing us the ridiculousness of some movies.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing either.  Sometimes when we look back at movies we enjoyed as kids, those aspects are still there that we enjoyed.  However, we're now privy to more mature jokes that we likely missed when we were children.  A good many movies that were geared towards children also have adult oriented humor interspersed throughout the film to appeal to parents that were watching along.  Then again, sometimes movies that are meant to be for "children" and "family oriented" in theme are... a bit disturbing for that target audience. 

While not all of the reviews offer a degree of positive response - let's face it, not everyone likes all movies - the reviews whether positive or negative are still just... funny!  Doug Walker has created a character in the Nostalgia Critic that is actually as interesting and engaging as the movies that he's reviewing.  All told, it's really a YouTube series that I love watching.  And if I'm being honest, just in the course of writing this entry about the Nostalgia Critic, I got side-tracked more than a few times watching some reviews that I came across and realized I hadn't seen yet. 

If you enjoy movies, honestly I'd check his reviews out.  At the very least you're likely to get a laugh out of it and who knows, you might just get a bit more insight to movies you've enjoyed (or even hated) that will offer a different perspective from which to view movies from your childhood.  Take a look and see for yourself.

Entry #3 - Paul Harrell

Those who can - do... AND teach!

 There is this interesting dynamic in my household where I tend to putter around on my computer, surfing the net (a phrase which clearly dates my age >.>) while my husband peruses through YouTube videos for random titles that tickle his fancy.  Sometimes he happens upon a jackpot and we find a YouTube channel that we both begin watching avidly (see: The Great War entry) while sometimes he finds channels that he just loves while I officially dub them the "white noise videos" because they hold little to no interest to me.  

That's how Paul Harrell's videos started for me.  Mr. Harrell has a YouTube channel where he discusses firearms, really he covers much more than just that but primarily that's his topic of choice.  Now hubster loves this guy and watches him regularly given he's been trying to learn more about firearms and ... all that "stuff".  This is about the part I usually zone out and the videos become white noise, this isn't a topic I usually find interesting in the least.  And then hubster watched one of Mr. Harrell's videos and I was rather captivated by the entire thing and I became more interested in the man, well, in front of the camera.   

Honestly, I'd never heard of Mr. Harrell before his video on the Miami-Dade FBI shoot-out of 1986 caught my attention when the hubster began watching it.  That video, to me, elevated Mr. Harrell's channel from just being 'about guns' to being about the entire process of shooting.  His analysis was thorough, detailed, and thought-provoking and his visuals were clear in a manner that helped the viewer to have a better grasp of the situation which the agents involved in this 1986 incident were faced with.  Here's the video itself:

Now this video is the one that drew my attention to Mr. Harrell directly and had me look a bit more into who he is that he puts out these videos and for what purpose.  Mr. Harrell has his own tagline for his channel that really sums up the purpose rather nicely: "Real firearms information for citizens."  Pretty straight forward right?  While I originally thought that the topics he covered were comparisons of weapons and bullets I came to realize, through a deeper look, that they are about all things related to firearms.  This includes body armor, magazine lengths, bullet types, situations wherein which gun might be better suited than another, how X gun handles better than Y gun and then there are the gems like the Miami-Dade shoot-out analysis wherein he's able to put his considerable knowledge to bare in breaking down a documented police situation and explaining it clearly for the average citizen.

What's even more amazing about Mr. Harrell, aside from his skilled ability to explain information about a complex topic (believe me, firearms can be very complicated) in an easy to understand manner, are his qualifications.  But don't just have listen to me, here's him addressing the question of what authority he has to speak about the topics he covers in his videos:

Mr. Harrell posts up new videos every week and the content of those videos is always somewhat different.  As stated before sometimes it's an aspect of a comparison of two guns, sometimes it's a method of conceal and carry, or his best choice for a specific kind of hunting, etc, but whatever topic that his videos cover it always pertains to the world of firearms in some way.  One aspect that I particularly appreciated and found endearing and also alluring to continue watching was Mr. Harrell's somewhat unassuming nature.  He explains things clearly and without arrogance, he doesn't attempt to tout himself about as some great expert, he isn't showy or self-aggrandizing.  The direct nature of his approach really helps to engage the audience watching his videos and keeps the focus on the education that he's imparting to those interested in learning.

While I at first hadn't taken much notice of Mr. Harrell's videos, after that one video of the analysis of the Miami-Dade police shooting my interest had been piqued.  Reviewing the video a few times, I've realized that it was in large part his quiet certainty with which he reviewed the situation that contributed to my growing interest.  Admittedly, I also enjoy his occasional dry humor as well.  It's rarely easy to include humor with a serious subject such as firearms education yet he does it rather well and in such a way it helps keep my attention on the lesson he's imparting in each video.

I think his channel is only going to grow even more as he continues, especially given that he responds reasonably promptly to his discussion section on his channel.  It's always nice being able to ask a question and actually getting a response!  Whether you're already interested in firearms or just getting your feet wet in the wide world of firearms, I would recommend Mr. Harrell's channel no matter your experience and knowledge level.  His appeal is wide-spread and you don't have to be all that knowledgeable to begin with to benefit from his videos, nor would already being very learned on the topic of firearms preclude you from enjoying the information that is shared.  So really, whether you're a "newb" or an "old hand" in regards to firearms - it's still likely you'll find something to enjoy on Mr. Harrell's channel, so check it out!

Entry #2 - The Blog to End All Blogs...

The Great War

 Alright so this is a kind of different medium than I talked (typed?) about last time but it's nonetheless an absolutely captivating topic.  I am talking about the pseudo-vlog "The Great War" series that can be found on YouTube.  This series is awesome.  Even if you aren't like the hubster and I and don't find history fascinating and exciting, this is still very interesting.  It's narrated by Indiana "Indy" Neidell and the format is absolutely ingenious.  Here's a very short "The Great War Channel 101" that gives a brief overview and explanation of how to start viewing, or more accurately where to start. 

They started the series in 2014 and it covers the exact week but one hundred years ago at the start of World War I.  It's updated weekly and each video goes over "this week in time, 100 years ago".  Essentially it follows World War I week by week, discussing what was happening on a world stage and all of the actions that played into the start of the war itself and the full build up into it and throughout.  It's explained well, at least in simple ways that I'm able to follow without getting horribly lost.  Since each video covers only a week at a time they're able to get into interesting details a bit more deeply than most lessons about the war would contain.  

While they had other attempts at replicating this channel in Germany and Poland and a few other countries, those projects didn't end up lasting.  But here in America, we seem to love our history and, largely through crowd sourcing, The Great War channel has remained alive and well for the past three years.  Another absolutely amazing aspect that helped keep the channel alive refers to a video game called Battlefield 1.  Mr. Neidell and his research assistant, Markus Linke, contributed research and wrote in-game codex entries for the game.  In fact, Mr. Neidell actually named all of the "medals" that serve as Battlefield 1's achievement trophies.  Here's a short video of them discussing this:

Honestly, I hope that you check this channel out even if you aren't a huge history nerd like I am.  It's well done, engrossing and I actually have managed to learn more about this period in time than I have in any history class I took in school.  While I know that this post is much shorter (and I'm sure you're all grateful for that) and somewhat lacking in my usual sarcasm, I really just can't get too sarcastic about something that's done so well.  There's a lot of amusing bits here and there and Mr. Neidell does an excellent job narrating each week's events.  If you happen to check it out, let me know what you think!  Sit tight and stay tuned for what's coming up next!

Entry # 1 - The Vast Sea of Blogs!

Okay so here's something that I imagine isn't particularly a new fact but still startled me - there are a LOT of blogs out there!  Like a whole lot of blogs out there.  While searching around to find some blogs to interest myself with I found myself being sucked into different ones and laughing along at the various topics or nodding me head along with them.  Apparently I enjoy blogs that have a humorous tone to them, although I can't say this is any sort of a surprise.  With my job, I find that having a sense humor tends to go a long way to maintaining sanity and clearly I'm not the only nurse who feels this way!

Warped.  Warped sense of humor.

 

Ha!  Hah... crap that's way too accurate.

The fabled first blog - and so it begins.

So speaking of my job, that's actually what led me to discover the first blog I want to share with you all today.  Behold, the glory of a nursing blog:

Nurse Buff
 
Nurse Buff is a blog that I find wonderful because it's equal parts humorous and informative.  Personally I think this is appealing because it takes a very stressful, involved, complicated profession and helps make it just a little bit more manageable.  

The blog itself is easy to navigate because, let's be honest, nurses need at least something that's easy for us to deal with.  The last thing any of us want is something more complicated than it needs to be.  We deal with that enough at work!  I particularly love the "List" tab where everything from gift ideas to mnemonics to pharmacology questions and even lifestyle is covered.  Because I'll be honest, my scrubs are more comfortable to wear than some of my regular clothes and I have often stared at my closet and pondered whether or not it was acceptable to wear my scrub top just because it was more comfortable - even if I wasn't going to work!

I really enjoyed the Humor section.  Really enjoyed it.  As will be evidenced by the regular use of memes you'll likely be seeing throughout this blog.  I love nursing memes.  I particularly love them when they're not only funny but accurate, even if the fact that the accuracy makes it funny is kind of sad.  For instance, see below.  This one can be taken one of two ways: either your patients are crazy... or the medical staff is.  Fun fact: sometimes it's both!  

Hint: Most of us in the medical field are a bit "extra special"

 

It should totally listen to you.  It should.

Addendum!  While discussing my thought process with my husband regarding what I was writing, I mentioned the "is it ok to wear scrubs in public" portion.  According to him it's perfectly acceptable, the interaction went something like this: 

Dan (the hubster): "Of course it's okay to wear your scrubs outside of work."

Me: "But it's not like I'm just getting off shift or about to go into work, I mean more akin to 'It's my day off and I want to wear my super comfy cotton scrub top, plus it's cute!' sort of thing, but it's my day off, I'm not working."

Dan: "You see the people wearing jerseys around town, they aren't getting ready to go play a game."  

Me: "Yeah but that's more acceptable, people wear jerseys for their favorite team or player, sports have cheerleaders and fans, nurses don't."

Dan: "Two points, first - just because someone doesn't want to dress like a superhero doesn't mean they're right.  Second - Nurses should have fans and cheerleaders."

It is official - Dan is awesome.  Also, see below:

Legit.

Some do this, some of us help making meeting the Angel of Death as peaceful and respectful as possible

The second installment - A little dose of truth.

 Okay, so I could continue blathering on about things related to nursing ALLLLLLL day long, but I really want to get on to the next blog I stumbled upon.  Now as much as nursing is near and dear to my heart (and directly tied to my stress and sanity levels), this next blog spoke to my heart.  I feel it spoke to a core part of who I am as a person, expressing things that I am generally incapable of hoping to ever truly verbalize in any meaningful manner.  And so I give to you the following:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat 

Not even joking.  What did we do to you?  Why do you hate us, why would you say something that mean?

Seriously.  Someone went there.  They honestly went there.  And. It. Is. Glorious!  Seriously, sometimes you can't help but think to yourself that someone just really deserves a good punch to the throat.  Sometimes they legitimately do, other times it might just be a matter of making us feel better.  Or at least it would make me feel better.  Whether anyone else is willing to admit this or not is another matter but I think most people secretly have thoughts along these lines more often than not.  

And that's what makes this blog so awesome!  It's brutally honest.   I think what is so amazing about it is the sheer honesty that's involved as the author shares her innermost thoughts regarding the situations she finds herself in during her day to day life.  Let's face it, brutal honesty is pretty rare in this day and age and it's a refreshing breath of fresh air to have someone who's literally telling it like it is and not afraid to share their thoughts.  

"At least..."

Something else that's really kind of unique about this blog is it's ability to really capture aspects of everyday life that a vast majority of people have to deal with regularly.  From complaining about rude people in the isles of a store to the inordinate amount of supplies being put on the required supply list for start of school, these are situations we run into every day.  And in the case of this blog, it's rather refreshing to have someone who isn't afraid to put thoughts to keyboard and share the frustrations we often only grumble about inside our heads.  

Truth.

 

Look this might seem trivial, but you DO NOT mess with a nurse's pen!

At last the third blog - It was bound to happen eventually.

Okay yes, I know, this post is obscenely long, but I wanted to cover these three blogs and there was a lot to say (and a lot I didn't say) about them!  But we're finally here to the final blog!  You've hung in this long, hopefully you've been amused a bit, maybe rolled your eyes more, hopefully my clearly superior sense of sarcasm has entertained you through to this point and it can carry you on just a little further.  

So last but not least the final blog I wanted to talk about on this post.  So this one I have to say I struggled with because I really wanted to like it - and I do - but I also don't.  First let me introduce you to it, the last blog I'm going to talk about on this post is the following: 

Lawyers, Guns & Money 

 

This.  ALLLLL this.

Okay so the meme kind of in a nutshell explains my issues with this blog.  It's informative and I enjoyed reading the articles but it's just... There is some aspect to the layout and set up of the blog itself that feels almost frenetic.  While I'm sure, fairly positive in fact, that there are a great deal of people who have absolutely no issue with the way this blog is set up it appears I am not one of them.

The content itself isn't the issue so much. However, I did feel as if this is less of a truly informative blog and more of an opportunity to post excerpts from articles that make up the majority of each post and then include a tiny blurb of the writer's, often sarcastic, opinions about it.  While clearly I don't have an issue with sarcasm itself, there's no depth to the comments.  There's no real way to state a position or give any sort of in-depth explanation about why the author has those opinions.  All of the content itself aside, the layout was killing me.  It seemed to have no real sense of rhyme or reason.  Even the articles themselves seemed to simply be randomly plucked from the minds of the authors and slapped up onto a post.

Perhaps I'm being too critical, I'm actively trying not to be but to be honest this was one blog that I really wanted to like and just couldn't seem to take that final step towards really enjoying anything about it.  Maybe it's simply my desire for things to be neatly organized and arranged but the layout definitely played a strong part in my dislike for this blog.  I didn't hate it, I just don't... like it.

So you have made it through to the end!  I applaud you for your fortitude in trekking through my opinions and ramblings and occasional comedic attempt at humor.  So those are just three of the blogs that I stumbled across, I stopped and read many more and while I've never been a big blog reader I have to say that the ones that called the most to me were ones that made me laugh.  Perhaps that's indicative of a deeper need of laughter and humor in my life but maybe it holds more to my belief that even when discussing serious matters we should strive to never take ourselves too seriously.

I thank you for braving your way through this entire lengthy post, I'll endeavor to not be quite so verbose upon my next posting.  (However I entirely blame the length of this post on having three blogs to talk about and exonerate myself from just having too much to say.)  Soooo, sit tight and stick around and we'll see what interesting topics I'll have coming up next!  Till next time.